Gunpowder, CPO, and a Side of Chocolate Milk

Nothing flavors a burger better than gunpowder and CPO. That’s what my sergeant told me the other day while I was elbow-deep in rifle grime, scrubbing carbon off like I was auditioning for an Army version of Mr. Clean.

We’re back in Lewiston, Idaho, for the final stretch of annual training and our June drill weekend. For those of you unfamiliar with the time-honored military tradition of weapons cleaning, let me break it down for you: imagine cleaning the same rifle over and over again until you can lick it without tasting yesterday’s range dust. And believe me, someone will check it to see if it’s lickable.

Anyway, as I was vigorously cleaning one of the smaller rifles, a warrant officer strolled in carrying the most glorious leftover Effie burger you’ve ever seen. If you’ve never been to Lewiston or tried this burger, just imagine something larger than your face, your problems, and your Monday morning emails combined. He only ate half. I was inspired.

That’s when the sergeant turned to me, without missing a beat, and said, “Nothing flavors a burger better than gunpowder and CPO.” You know, the metal polish we use to make those weapons shine like a soldier’s boots before an inspection. I laughed, naturally. But also, I took that as a sign. After business wrapped up, I grabbed a friend from the unit and off we went, on a burger mission.

Now, this friend — we’ve never really hung out outside of uniform — turned out to be a delightful, if slightly unhinged, food enthusiast. While I worked on my half-a-cow-sized Effie burger, he casually dropped food crime after food crime: microwaving ice cream, adding peanut butter to roast beef sandwiches, and ordering chocolate milk with his burger like we were at a third-grade lunch table. Somewhere between his rambling and my artery-clogging burger, I realized this guy reminded me of a weird cross between my cousin from the Midwest and a potato farmer from Idaho. A real human casserole.

And now, with carbon still crusted under my fingernails and my taste buds still recovering from that glorious grease bomb of a burger, I’m writing this while thinking about how happy I am to be coming home—blackened fingertips, full belly, and all. These past two weeks didn’t just leave me smelling like CLP and craving meat; they also gave me a mindset I want to hang onto—and maybe even pass along.

I’ve always said the military is the most fun I never want to have again—but after these last two weeks? I’m eating those words right alongside a burger bigger than my face. With this new unit, it’s officially the most fun I can’t wait to have again. Monthly.

Somehow, between the rifle scrubbing marathons and a very questionable decision to eat frozen yogurt on top of that burger, I realized something: this Guard mindset—“show up, make the best of it, laugh when things get weird”—kind of works everywhere.

Whether you’re graduating, starting a job, heading to college, or just trying to remember where you put your keys—if you stay open to the chaos, you’ll probably end up with a good story (or at least a full stomach).

So here’s to chocolate milk with burgers, frozen yogurt-induced regret, and your local editor in camo—coming back Monday, still smelling faintly of gunpowder and trying to remember how to write about city council instead of convoy ops.