How to lose a car show in 40 miles

There are two kinds of weekends: the kind where you sip coffee on the porch and listen to birds chirp, and the kind where a deer body-slams your Jeep before sunrise. I had the second kind.

At 4 a.m. Saturday, I was up, bright-eyed, and determined. The plan: take my best furry friend, Winnie the Ween, and enter my first-ever car show in Rockford. I had visions of polished chrome, impressed onlookers, maybe even a ribbon. Instead, God apparently said, You wanted adventure? Buckle up.

The first 40-something miles were perfect. Then I rounded a curve, saw a fawn on the shoulder, and even said out loud: “That dumb deer is going to jump in front of me, isn’t it?” Which is basically the country-road version of saying “What’s the worst that could happen?” Sure enough, the fawn launched itself and smacked into the driver’s side of my Jeep.

Let me be clear: I did not hit the deer. The deer hit me. It was like nature’s version of a drive-by.

I pulled over to inspect the damage. My Jeep was fine, my pride was intact. The deer ran off, looking completely fine, and so we journeyed onward. Then Winnie woke up. In her groggy state, she smacked her head into my coffee cup, which hit my lip, causing me to spill all over my brand-new blouse. So by 5:30 a.m., I had: Deer damage, A fat lip, Coffee stains big enough to qualify as modern art.

Quickly, I changed my blouse and we pressed on. 

I swapped my Jeep for a convertible Corvette I was showing — sleek, shiny, ready for glory. Except the skies opened up, rain poured down, and before long I heard the dreaded thump-thump-thump. Flat tire. Because, of course.

By the time help arrived, I was clinging to the hope it just needed a little air. Nope. The mechanic took one look and told me the extent of the tire damage. It exploded.

I crawled under the car with a flashlight to confirm and yep — the back of the tire looked like it had survived a fireworks finale gone wrong. My car show dreams? Also exploded.

So, no ribbon, no Corvette glory shots. Just me, Winnie, and a story that started with a deer attack and ended with defeat-by-tire.

But here’s the good news: the weekend rallied. 

I went fishing in Conconully, toured Okanogan County, visited Grand Coulee Dam, and ended the night at Jedi Alliance in Spokane. I played enough pinball, Atari Star Wars, and Mario to undo years of higher education — and loved every second of it.

Turns out, sometimes your best weekends aren’t the ones you plan. 

They’re the ones where you dodge deer, ruin blouses, and still end up finishing strong with a joystick in hand.